What if....

A friend posted on the W/W group yesterday:
 "What if my wife passed away so I could be with the person I was supposed to spend my lifetime with, and possibly eternity?"

This is something that I have thought and pondered on, and I have definite opinions about. And since this is my blog, I get to pontificate =)

I believe that Tod and I sat in council in the premortal existence, together as a couple and with others who would impact our lives, parents, siblings, children, friends. I believe we had a road map of the challenges we would face, individually and as a couple and family. I also believe that, with a loving Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother, we were given the opportunity to figure things out and make contingency plans... "If this, then..." type of solutions to what we would experience here on Earth. This way of thinking brings me a lot of comfort, as I am not having to come up with a solution now as much as remember what was already planned and formulated. 


Our marriage wasn't perfect, we had times of conflict and times of joy. What we did have was a working marriage, where each of us had matured to the point that we could own our personal responsibilities for how the relationship was progressing, and we made changes so that we could be happy. The biggest characteristic that had grown a lot was communication. We were each secure enough in our individual self-worth that we didn't take offense at what the other said or did, we talked through issues that came up, we plotted the path we wanted the family to take...and then he was gone.

About 6 months after Tod died, I was really mad at him...because there wasn't someone  to take his place. We had always talked as if I would be the one to die first, and I promised that I would have someone on his doorstep asap to be a helpmeet for him, especially with our group of kids to parent. I wondered why he hadn't done the same for me!! My sweet sister commented, and the spirit confirmed, that one of the very first things Tod did once he was on the other side of the veil was set things in motion for me and the kids to be taken care of, but more especially me. I needed her words to remind me of the love Tod had, and still **HAS**, for me. He has, in deed, put things together such that I can be happy in the rest of my mortal existence, and that means finding love again.


I've had a handful of experiences with single men and the dating world since
Tod died. I really felt compelled to join some online dating sites, but quickly learned that is not the route for me to take. I did go out to San Diego with a friend and kids, where I did go on a group date with a widower. He was really sweet, told me it was much too soon after Tod died to be dating, and he was right. But the experience taught me much. We took a tour of the LDS museum in Old San Diego of the Mormon Battalion. In one of the presentations, President Brigham Young talks of the blessings given to the soldiers and their families who sacrificed to be a part of the Mormon Battalion. Tod always talked about how he wanted to see the reinstatement of that battalion...I was able to cry then, without getting mad first...
Then there was a guy in Dallas, but he didn't want to have much to do with me because I was already sealed to Tod, and since his wife was still alive but divorced, he wanted someone to take to the temple...
Then there was a guy in Bisbee, just down the road...that was fun in that I could actually see and talk ton him more often in person and not just via phone or computer...
Then there was the English professor that was still hung up over his ex-wife, who now lives in Sierra Vista...
And then there is Dave....that's worth an entire post in and of itself...


The whole point of that list is to show me that Tod has been leading me along, helping me keep hope in the future, that I haven't been forgotten and that there is someone out there that will marry me.


At one point, I came to realize, who would Tod trust to take care of his wife and family if something happened to him? From his military background, he would ask his battle buddy, his best friend. I think he did just that, only the asking happened in the pre-existence, not here on earth. So this is someone we all sat in council with, Tod's best friend. But Tod is my best friend as well...so that as of now unknown man is my best friend too...


I kind of like the idea that my future husband is my best friend. I have no clue what sort of life experiences he will have, but I do know he will be super special; he'd have to be to walk into this situation. :)


And to answer the question posed at the beginning of this post, I read this yesterday:

From Dallin H. Oaks' book, Life Lessons Learned: Personal Reflections. Here is a quote from the chapter titled Looking Into The Future:
"I don't know the answers to these and many other such questions. What I do know is that when we are uncertain about some gospel principle or future event, it is usually best to act on what we do know and trust in a loving Heavenly Father to give us further knowledge when we really need it. If we seek a firmer understanding and a better practice of the basic principles of the gospel while trusting in God for the outcome - not seeking to know the details we have not been given and probably could not understand if we had - we will be given the peace to live with the uncertainties."